HOT!!! STUFFY!! SWEAT!!
That was what i had to go through last night..
hmm.. its felt so horrible..
walking in total darkness..
hmm.. for once i thought i was blind..
with a little help from the burning candle..
i did get to wash up and get ready for bed and eventually for school..
didnt have the mood to eat..
so i slept with an empty stomach..
i went to bed very early last night..
wanted to talk with sayang.. but i was feeling so horrible..
i cant help it..
so i told sayang i was tired and wanted to sleep early..
had a hard time at first.. but as i was drowned in tears i fell asleep eventually..
wasnt any peaceful either.. i couldnt affort to have alot of movement..
as it will only cause me to sweat even more..
stayed in a posittion till morn..
but was woken up 2am in the morning by asyirah's cry..
it was even heartbreaking to hear her tiny cries..
begging for some breeze.. ='(
dropped sayang a msg..
thought he was already asleep.. but he wasnt..
bet he had fun surfing the net..
hmm.. for a moment.. i felt sooo
TINY!!
i felt im not suitable for him..
i felt incomplete..
im not suppose to even try to get his love..
i felt sooooo
POOR..
hmm.. at that point of time.. the thought of giving up everything i had crossed my mind.
im ashamed of myself, my family and my life...
i felt sooo TERRIBLE...
tears ran down my cheeks at the thought of sayang..
and how i much i don't deserve his love and attention..
how much i don't even deserve a place in his heart or even by his side..
IN FACT I DON'T THINK I EVEN DESERVE TO BE LOVED BY ANYONE..
="(
i didnt have the courage to tell sayang my situation..
im sure if i have told him about it he would have hated me..
or maybe he wouldnt have understand my situation..
or maybe he too thinks i don't deserve his heart, his love or even his sympathy..
haizz.. i really feel horrible..
i feel soo tiny..
i feel so out of place..
i feel sooo small..
i dont deserve to smile..
i dont deserve to laugh..
i dont deserve to raise my head..
i dont deserve to open my eyes..
i dont deserve to speak..
i dont deserve to mix with the crowd..
I DONT DESERVE ANYTHING..
i dont deserve the world..
i dont deserve sayang..
I SHOULD BE ALONE..
A LONER..
A LONER WITH ONLY A FAMILY..
I SHOULD JUST BE ALONE.....
